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10 Reasons Why Your Marriage May Not Be Working

Marriage is a wonderful journey, but it's not always easy. Like any relationship, it takes hard work, dedication, and willingness to learn and grow together. It's normal to face challenges, but with the right attitude and actions, you can overcome them and have a strong and happy marriage.

Couple in conflict

Let us look at 10 reasons why your marriage might not be working and give you practical tips to fix them in a positive way. Whether you're having problems with communication, trust, or other common issues, we'll show you how to navigate them with a hopeful outlook. So, let's get started and learn what common issues cause marriages to fail and how to avoid them.

1. Not enough communication

Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your communication with your partner is lacking, it may cause misunderstanding and conflict.

Communication can be difficult in marriage due to various reasons, such as differences in how partners communicate or struggling to express emotions or needs. External factors like work or financial stress can also make it harder to communicate effectively.

If you're struggling with communicating with your partner, there are several practical solutions to help you overcome these issues. First, try to make time for each other on a regular basis, whether that means setting aside time to talk or enjoy shared activities. Active listening is also crucial, so make sure you give your partner your full attention when they speak. Additionally, practice expressing your thoughts and feelings in a clear and respectful manner. If these tips don't work, seeking professional help from a counselor can provide you with additional tools and strategies to improve communication in your marriage.

2. Lack of Trust

Trust is crucial in any relationship. A lack of trust between you and your partner can create feelings of anxiety, jealousy, and resentment. However, with open and honest communication, and a commitment to building trust, you can overcome any issues and build a strong foundation of trust in your marriage.

Rebuilding trust in a marriage takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. The first step is, to be honest with each other about your feelings and concerns. Next, make an effort to follow through on your promises and commitments. This can help show your partner that you are trustworthy and reliable. Communication is also important in rebuilding trust, so try to be open and transparent with each other about your thoughts and feelings. Lastly, seeking professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist can provide you with guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust in each other.

3. Lack of Respect

Respect is an important part of any healthy relationship, including marriage. A lack of respect can manifest in many ways, including belittling, demeaning, or dismissing your partner's opinions or feelings. When there is a lack of respect in a marriage, partners may feel undervalued, unappreciated, or unsupported. This can lead to feelings of resentment, which can cause a breakdown in communication and ultimately contribute to the failure of the marriage.

One way to improve respect in your relationship is to make an effort to listen to your partner and show empathy for their feelings.

Avoid interrupting or dismissing their opinions and always aim to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Additionally, try to prioritize spending quality time together and show appreciation for the things your partner does for you. Remember that respect is a two-way street, and it's important to treat your partner the way you would like to be treated. By making a concerted effort to show respect in your marriage, you can help build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

4. Not prioritizing your relationship

Marriage is a commitment that requires time, effort, and energy to thrive. When partners fail to prioritize their marriage, it can lead to neglect and a lack of intimacy. Sometimes, life can get in the way, and your partner might feel like they are getting less and less of your time. Over time, this can cause partners to feel disconnected from each other, leading to feelings of loneliness or dissatisfaction. Ultimately, a lack of prioritization can slowly pick away at the bond that you and your partner originally had.

Making your marriage a priority can help build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship. One way you can do this is to set aside time each day or week to spend quality time with your partner. You could go on a date, take a walk, or simply have a conversation. It's also important to show appreciation for your partner and the things they do for you. Additionally, try to prioritize your partner's needs and opinions, and be willing to compromise when necessary. Remember that a successful marriage requires effort from both partners, so make sure you're both committed to putting in the work to make your relationship thrive.

5. Failing to resolve fights

In any marriage, disagreements, and fights are inevitable. However, failing to resolve these issues can cause long-term damage to the relationship. When partners don't address their conflicts, it can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration. This can cause a breakdown in communication and trust, making it difficult to work together to overcome future challenges. Additionally, unresolved fights can create a negative cycle where partners feel like they're always on the defensive, which can make it harder to connect emotionally. Ultimately, failing to resolve fights can lead to an irreparable breakdown in the relationship.

When you're in a marriage, it's important to work together to resolve fights and disagreements. One way of doing this is to say sorry. When you apologize, you're showing your partner that you recognize the impact of your actions and that you care about their feelings. It can also help defuse tension and allow for more productive communication. Another solution would be to always try to resolve the disagreement when you and your partner are both level-headed. After a fight, both of you may walk away and take time to calm down before trying to resolve the issue. It is always a bad idea to try to resolve a fight while being in a state of anger. By working together and resolving fights in a positive way, you can build a stronger and more fulfilling marriage.

6. Unwillingness to forgive

Related to the previous topic, forgiveness is important for most fights that happen between couples in marriage. Not forgiving your partner after a huge argument can only add fuel to the fire. Forgiveness is an important aspect of any healthy relationship. If you or your partner are holding onto past hurts or resentments, it can create a sense of distance and disconnection.

Forgiving your partner's mistakes can be a powerful way to strengthen your marriage.

When you forgive, you're letting go of negative emotions and resentment, and you're making way for positive feelings like love and understanding.

This can create a more positive environment for communication and problem-solving, making it easier to work through challenges and build a stronger bond. Additionally, forgiveness can help rebuild trust and demonstrate a commitment to the relationship, even in the face of difficult times. By forgiving your partner's mistakes, you're also setting a positive example for them, encouraging them to be more forgiving and compassionate in return. Ultimately, forgiveness can be a powerful tool for creating a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling marriage.

7. Lack of a Support System

It’s important to have a strong support system in your marriage. Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional therapist, having someone to turn to for support and guidance can help you navigate the ups and downs of your relationship with greater ease and confidence. Without a support system, partners may not have access to the resources and tools they need to address problems in their marriage, making it harder to find solutions to the struggles that they might encounter. By working together with your support system, you can build a stronger and more resilient marriage.

8. Interference from an outside party

It can be an overzealous best friend, a secret lover, or even intrusive in-laws. Interference from someone outside the marriage can introduce stress, disagreement, and in extreme cases, physical and emotional abuse. You or your partner may have an old childhood friend that is giving advice about your relationship that you may not necessarily agree with. When one partner feels like the opinions and decisions of the other are being influenced by someone outside of the relationship, it can lead to a lack of communication and understanding between partners.

This is also true for intrusive in-laws, which a lot of you can relate to. They may interfere with the couple's personal lives, making decisions or offering unsolicited advice without being asked. In-laws can cause problems in a marriage because they may not respect boundaries or may have different expectations for how the couple should live their lives. This can lead to disagreements and tension within the marriage, as one partner may feel pressured to choose between their spouse and their family.

One partner having a secret lover or affair is even worse. Even if the relationship with the secret lover does not escalate to a full-blown affair, the secrecy and deception can slowly eat away at the bond between a married couple. It creates an emotional distance between partners, and the partner with the secret lover may start to prioritize their affair over their marriage. Over time, the deception and betrayal can become too great a burden for the marriage to withstand, ultimately leading to its failure. If you have a secret lover, it's important to come clean and talk to your partner about it, so you can work through any issues together and move forward in a healthy way.

To address the issues of overzealous best friends, intrusive in-laws, and secret lovers, it is essential to have open and honest communication with your partner about your concerns. Set clear boundaries and expectations with the outside parties, and avoid discussing marital problems with them. Seek the help of a therapist or counselor to work through these issues and improve communication and trust in your relationship.

9. Sketchy financial troubles

Sometimes, you might find yourself asking, "why are we constantly running short on our expenses?" What you might not know is that there might be a financial burden slowly chipping away at you and your partner's finances. This can lead to disagreement and fights, and may cause you to lose trust in your partner. Vices such as gambling, addictive drugs, and even bad secret investments can cause financial strain and potentially cause long-term damage to your relationship.

To avoid this, it's important to have open and honest communication about your finances, create a budget together, and seek help if you or your partner have a problem with vices such as gambling or drugs. Remember, your financial health and your relationship's health are closely intertwined, so it's essential to work together to manage your money wisely.

10. Incompatibility and why sometimes, Divorce is the only answer

Sometimes, despite the best efforts of both partners, it may become clear that they are not compatible and that staying together may not be the best option. When partners have fundamentally different values, goals, or lifestyles, it can be challenging to find common ground and build a fulfilling life together.

In some cases, staying in the marriage may cause more harm than good, leading to ongoing stress, unhappiness, and resentment. Some marriages are so inherently incompatible, that they often lead to a physically and mentally abusive relationships. In these situations, divorce may be the best solution, allowing both partners to move on and find more compatible partners or lifestyles. In some cases, an unlatching of the marital bond is the only solution to a peaceful life for you and your partner. Divorce may not be the prettiest but it is a proven and viable option.

It is important to talk to an experienced attorney to see your options in a divorce. Navigating these waters can be a physically, emotionally, and financially stressful experience.

With Sims & Purzer, you can rest easy knowing that our firm is on top of your divorce so that you can spend your time healing old wounds and being the best version of yourself.


At Sims & Purzer, we can help you in any circumstance related to your marriage and children.

Contact us today! We love assisting families to do what is best. We listen closely to your unique circumstances, to make sure you know what your choices are.

We are ready to assist you to get the best outcome. Contact our legal team at Sims & Purzer by clicking the button below:


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